Soap is not a condiment
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
