I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
