Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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