hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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