So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
