I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
