We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
you had me at cake vodka
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just high enough for therapy.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
