I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
