gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
