yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
