I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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