I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
