oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
PANTIES FOUND
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