Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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