I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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