He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
