yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
