Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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