Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
