You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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