I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
