I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We need to rekindle our bromance
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
