so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
