So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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