I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
