Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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