I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
