Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
