the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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