i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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