I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
