why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
i believe in u and ur pee
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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