i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
