So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
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Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
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i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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