hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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