you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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