I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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