someone threw a dead crab at me
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Is Oprah even human
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Randomize