I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
