You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I am naked and annoyed.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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