I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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