It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
