I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
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Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
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I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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