sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
