dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
soo... how was my night?
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