He told me they were just razor bumps!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
