I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
