WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
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I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
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We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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