I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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