is your mom at the bar?
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
