I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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