My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
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I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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