dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
