I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
