how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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