He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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