New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
