Girls should come with a carfax report
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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