I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
