you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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