Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize