this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
