it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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