she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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