Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
