drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
