Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You made out with two different species that night
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
