i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
