Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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