i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My penis needs a shock collar
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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