Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
