I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Are my feet made of real feet?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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