In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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