There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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