at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
