Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
