So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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