It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
