Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
