everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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