so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
