I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
