Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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