Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize