I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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