So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
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Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
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Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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