Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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