Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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