so explain again why im purple
no
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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