Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
